Fort Lauderdale, FL, July 09, 2011 --(PR.com
)-- Many married couples struggle with miscommunication and its subsequent strife. It’s a simple fact that men and women, depending on the ways they were raised or how their parents communicated, are capable of talking in ways that don’t make it easy for the opposite partner to understand and act. A very common problem stemming from this is that men are accused of not being “open” enough with their wives. Sometimes, this worsens to the point that men are labeled “passive aggressive” by their frustrated wives.
Whether or not men think they are talking enough and supporting their wives emotionally, there is still the fact that some women feel the communication in the marriage is not sufficient. "It is as if a whole generation of boomers (and perhaps even younger people) never understood how to fulfill each other’s communication needs," say the experts at Conflict Coach. "Now, they get into couple conflicts about this gap."
Marital grief can continue to escalate as long as one or more people (here, the wife) feel taken for granted and ignored. Can this situation be improved? If so, how?
Conflict Coach, after years of research and family mediation, believe that this situation can be turned on its head. First, the label of “passive aggression” must be dealt with, the one that is now so easy to attach to men’s behavior. How true is it that being reserved, non-communicative and harboring hidden anger is part of a person’s natural, born-with-it personality? Conversely, how much of that “personality” is a conflict-causing trait that he may have picked up or learned without realizing it?
Conflict Coach is exploring this question deeper by studying childhood experiences. Their research has led to interesting conclusions in the realm of passive aggressive psychology. In discovering what is a personality trait and what is defensive behavior in a relationship, Conflict Coach proposes that "passive aggression may be largely dependent on the attachment model learned within the child’s relationship to their guardian."
"For example, when a man was a child, was he restricted from expressing his anger toward his parents? If he had a need, and was feeling it keenly, what happened when he expressed it? If he was guilt-tripped for being too 'needy,' shamed for being a baby or a whiner, he probably taught himself to just shut up when he needed something from other people. In order not to feel pity for himself, he would have then taught himself that repressing emotions and sucking things up was an admirable trait – a feat of skill, something only a manly man could achieve.
"A future passive aggressive man, in order to learn how to control himself and not open up, would have shown his frustration in ambiguous ways, like falling behind in school, even if he was very smart."
Conflict Coach is using their findings to help the passive aggressive man heal the behaviors that are causing miscommunication and pain in his marriage. They help a man identify the lessons of his childhood, and appraise the real situation at his home, where these old defensive mechanisms may still be at work. For example, he may be going silent for days or weeks, reflecting the lessons he taught himself in childhood. "The truth remains that this behavior is destroying any intimacy he was able to build within his marriage," says Conflict Coach. "His wife feels condemned to loneliness by his withdrawal and silent days, and the man himself is trapped in a lonely jail of his own making."
Conflict Coach is inviting frustrated husbands to identify what inner forces are sabotaging their marriages by using their new tools, specifically designed for men.
It is now possible to take a free, short online test on Conflict Coach’s new website, Passive Aggressive Test. The test is an intelligent strategy for getting to know a husband’s personalized answers and communication style. Whether the results are normal, passive aggressive, or mixed, he can know exactly where he is on the spectrum, and this crucial definition can then be explained to the wife.
For men interested in assessing themselves and learning how to heal miscommunication and conflict in their marriage, the next step is taking the Passive Aggressive Test at
If a husband is found to have no passive aggressive behaviors, he will know that there is something besides just his personal behavior going on to create a wound between him and his wife. There will be a clearer direction to head in when pursuing a resolution. Alternately, in the event that some of his behaviors are passive aggressive, he will receive immediate options for change from Conflict Coach’s growing collection of resources, such as life-changing products, coaching and community support.