Will Jon and Kate Gosselin be Able to Move on and Build Better Lives? Psychologist Dr. Stephan B. Poulter Says ‘Yes’ - If They Understand Their ‘Ex-Factor’

Amherst, NY, September 08, 2009 --(PR.com)-- Can the messy public breakup of Jon and Kate Gosselin end happily ever after? Despite heading in very different directions—Jon behaving as the flippant “Wild Child” and Kate acting as the protective “Mama Bear”—clinical psychologist Dr. Stephan B. Poulter, author of the new book Your Ex-Factor: Overcome Heartbreak and Build a Better Life (Prometheus Books, 2009; $18.98)—says yes.

But they must be willing to explore and understand one crucial part of their individual selves—their personal ‘ex-factor’, which Dr. Poulter describes as “the accumulation of lost dreams, broken promises, disillusionment, regret, emotional setbacks, disenchantment with past romantic partners, and unrealistic expectations.” These elements—acting singly or together—are impairments to future satisfaction and fulfillment in relationships.

Although it’s good news that many divorced people remarry, the bad news is that too many of them carry the animosities and negative behavior patterns of former heartbreaks into their new situation. For Jon and Kate, how they work through the emotional stress of having eight young children, coupled with the extremely public demise of their marriage and alleged infidelities, likely plays a huge part in whether they will be able to move on and maintain happy, healthy future romantic relationships. For now, the couple is likely going through what Dr. Poulter identifies as the stages of despair and heartbreak that occur when a serious relationship ends:

1. Whiplash—Feeling emotionally numb and completely lost during the initial shock of the ending.

2. Feeling like “Damaged Goods”—All of your self doubts, insecurities, unresolved prior relationship issues (your ex-factor) become almost unbearable, and you will do anything to fix, repair, or change to “save the relationship”.

3. Anger— The sense of disappointment and loss are now covered up by anger, rage and vengeful feelings. The pain of feeling rejected, betrayed or abandoned can become timeless unless these emotions are addressed and resolved. Adults who never go past their “anger” will Never fully emotionally recover and develop a future stable intimate relationship.

4. Personal Responsibility—Owning 100 of your 50% of the relationship. No matter how the relationship ended, you had a role in it. This insight allows for resolution for yourself and moving forward.

5. Creating Your Romantic Future—Regardless of the pain you went through with your ex, your love life is your personal right. One of the keys to moving on positively is understanding what actions, gestures, emotional expressions, and intimacy make you feel loved.

In Your Ex-Factor: Overcome Heartbreak and Build a Better Life, Dr. Poulter looks at all the steps from the anguish of divorce to the security of a stronger and more fulfilling future attachment. He explains: How breakups happen and explores the challenges of dealing with the emotional wreckage; the five relationship styles and helps readers develop insight into their own styles; and explores ways to go beyond blame, tension, and other “ex-factors”—and objectively assess inner needs.

Dr. Poulter reveals that the key to forming lasting bonds with your romantic partner is discovering exactly what one needs to feel loved. Now is the time for Jon and Kate to identify their personal styles of feeling loved—for the sake of their future personal happiness and the impact it could have on their children.

To interview Dr. Stephan B. Poulter, request more information or a review copy of Your Ex-Factor: Overcome Heartbreak and Build a Better Life, contact Jennifer Kovach at 800-853-7545 or jkovach@prometheusbooks.com.

Prometheus Books
Jennifer Kovach